


A Collection of Carmilla Drabbles

by askboxangel



Category: Carmilla (Web Series)
Genre: Drabble Collection, F/F, Fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-19
Updated: 2015-05-19
Packaged: 2018-03-31 05:34:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 13
Words: 12,448
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3966307
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/askboxangel/pseuds/askboxangel
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>These are the drabbles I've written for Carmilla. A solid majority is Hollstein with little tiny bits of Hollence (if you squint) and LaFerry.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Carmilla takes a good, hard look at her hands and comes to some conclusions. A little angsty.

Carmilla Karnstein hated her hands.

And not in the way that most girls traditionally do.

She didn’t care much about her nail beds or what polish to use next.

She couldn’t care less about the size, shape, length, and width of her fingers.

Whether or not her knuckles were knobby or her skin scarred.

No, when Carmilla saw her hands, she saw what they’d  _done_.

She saw how each finger brought pain.

She saw the way her fingertips could drag over skin and leave a trail of blood in their wake.

She saw the lives of countless girls she’d tempted as a gift to mother dearest’s big plan.

She knew the damage her pale extremities could do and she  _hated_  them for it.

It’s why every time she looked at Laura she sent a silent prayer to whatever god could possibly exist to get the girl to wear her batwing bracelet.

Because the intoxicating temptation to drag her fingers over any part of her roommate she cold reach made simply existing in the other girl’s presence nearly impossible.

There was a darkness that her touch brought into the lives of those around her.

A liquid, black darkness that ensnared the ones she touched like a thick tar, staining and marring everything she could see.

Carmilla’s touch was dangerous.

There was no way she could taint someone like Laura.

Laura was fucking  _sunshine._

She was a cold drink of grape soda on a sweltering day.

Bright, bubbly, refreshingly so… Though she was admittedly less… purple.

 And yet Carmilla still yearned to reach out and let her digits drag deliciously over her delightfully delicate roommate.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Laura has some thoughts about her current situation with Carmilla.

Laura Hollis looked down at her hands and wiggled her fingers at herself.

Hands are weird.

Laura thought about this while she inspected her fingers.

She had a couple little scars from… Well, just life. She couldn’t tell you what any of them were from except maybe her adventures in the kitchen. And that one time in the library where the books tried to kill her and LaF. Thankfully they got out of that without any major injuries.

But other than that, her hands appeared to be pretty ordinary.

Carmilla’s hands, however….

Laura felt her breath catch.

Carmilla’s hands were like living art.

Each finger was like sculpted marble, pale, smooth and incredibly strong.

Laura felt herself watching the dark-haired girl more and more as time went on.

Laura knew the way her fingertips would slide over the cover of a book before she opened it.

She’d seen how her fingers effortlessly plucked a cookie from the package or flicked open a can of grape soda.

Laura looked at her hands again and felt like a clumsy idiot in comparison.

Every movement Carmilla made seemed calculated and at the same time effortless. A blur of contradictions that left Laura’s head spinning and her heart racing.

Sometimes, though Laura would rarely admit it to herself and certainly wouldn’t admit it to anyone else, she would rewatch some of the videos and spend  ~~hours~~  a  _little while_  just watching Carmilla read.

Or sleep. But that felt pretty creepy. So she tended to stick to watching Carmilla when she was conscious.

Still creepy, but… Less so.

At least that’s what Laura would tell herself.

Speak of the devil… Or, well, think about her…

“Hey cutie.”

“Hi Carmilla.”

“Why are you staring at your hands?”  
  
“I was just thinking that hands are weird. Except y–” Laura’s eyes went a little wide and she snapped her mouth shut, thanking whatever god may exist that she was facing away from her roommate. And that she didn’t finish that sentence.

“Except…?”  
  


“Nothing. Hands are just weird. Fingers are all bendy and stuff.”

“Technical term, ‘bendy and stuff.’”

Laura rolled her eyes.

“I can think of a much better use of your hands than making them a display for yourself, cupcake.”

A bright, hot redness creeped up Laura’s neck to her cheeks, settling there to burn relentlessly.

“Um…?”

Carmilla leaned close to her roommate, not allowing herself the pleasure of letting any part of her brush against Laura. She took a deep breath in though she had little need for air.

“You could use those hands for…”

Laura felt her heart racing so fast she thought she may pass out. This couldn’t be healthy. She saw Carmilla’s smooth hands holding to the back of her chair and she desperately wanted to shift to the side and let them brush her shoulder or  _something_.

Wait. Was Carmilla…  _hitting on her…?_

“Your homework.”

Apparently not.

Carmilla smirked and snatched the yellow pillow off of Laura’s bed before flopping down on her own, pulling a book out of nowhere.

Fucking attractive, pillow-stealing, gorgeous-handed vampires.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ehhhh. So this could potentially be seen as a little bit of crack!fic. Maybe. Carmilla has a little secret and Laura finds out. Hilarity ensues.

Carmilla was an avid reader.

Likely the understatement of the century, but it was true.

Carmilla read  _everything_.

From philosophy books to news articles to the backs of shampoo bottles.

She found that knowing things was never a disadvantage. Studying the world helped broaden her horizons and kept her grounded.

And as a creature with super strength and the need to hurt and sometimes kill in order to eat, being grounded was always a good thing.

Carmilla had read libraries worth of books.

She could quote nearly any philosopher in history and argue for days about their viewpoints.

She knew about history in colorful depth and not just because she’d lived through a lot of it.

She could even tell you the ingredients in a solid majority of Laura’s various soaps.

And yet…

Somehow she found herself turning pages of a novel.

Now, this was nothing new. Carmilla had read more than her share of novels in her extended lifetime.

But this one she made sure to keep hidden.

Because no one needed to know that Silas’ resident badass, broody vampire….

… Was  _really_  into lesbian romance.

She made sure to keep those books hidden at the bottom of her bag and usually no one questioned her about whatever book she had her nose in at the time anyway.

Still, she kept this as her little secret.

That is, until Laura walked into their shared room unannounced, having come back early from class.

So, naturally, Carmilla did what any normal person would do in this situation.

She hurled the book across the room and nearly put a hole in the wall.

… Okay, not every normal person would do that, but it was a knee-jerk, instinctual reaction, alright?

“… What did you just throw?”

“N-nothing. It was nothing.”

Laura paced over to where the book lie (now somewhat crumpled, much to Carmilla’s dismay) on the floor and carefully picked it up.

Carmilla darted over, snatching the book out of the shorter girl’s hands, swiftly hiding it behind her back.

“Carmilla… What are you reading?”

“Shakespeare,” Carmilla bit back a bit too quickly. Laura raised a brow.

“Then why did you throw it?”

“I’m a very passionate person, cutie. I get angry when characters do silly things.”

“Then why do you look flustered?”

“You ask a lot of questions, cupcake.”

“A lot of questions that you seem to be avoiding.”

“I’m not avoiding anything. Shouldn’t you be checking on your internet webcam thing?”

“Trying to change the subject?”

Carmilla rolled her eyes and turned slowly to lay back on her bed, trying to act as casual as she could.

Laura grinned, taking the opportunity to snatch the book out her roommate’s unsuspecting grip.

“LAURA–”

“Painted Moon by Karin Kallmaker? That certainly doesn’t look like Shakespeare to me, Carmilla.”

“Give me my book back,” the vampire gritted out, her eyes darting between Laura’s face and the book in her hands.

“… A lesbian…  _romance_? Oh this is too good. Wait until LaF–”

Carmilla quickly pinned Laura to the wall, taking her book back and tossing it onto her bed.

Their lips merely a breath apart, Carmilla felt Laura’s gasp against her skin.

“You will speak of this to  _no one_ , Laura Hollis,” Carmilla seethed, staring hard into Laura’s admittedly fearful looking eyes. _  
_

Laura’s eyes widened almost comically before she started to … Was she  _giggling???_

“Carmilla, are you embarrassed? It’s perfectly natural to enjoy romantic–”

Carmilla growled low in her throat, shoving herself away from her roommate.

“We are not talking about this.”

Laura chuckled, shaking her head.

“I could rip your throat out as easily as one snaps a toothpick, cutie. I wouldn’t test my temper if I were you.”

Laura’s eyes widened again. This time it was Carmilla’s turn to laugh.

“No but seriously. Tell LaFontaine, Perry,  _Danny,_ ” Carmilla spat the last name like it was poison. “Anyone. And I may have to kill you.”

Unsure if her roommate was actually serious about her threat, Laura vowed to never mention the book to anyone.

Except Carmilla because watching the intimidating vampire get embarrassed?  
  


Absolutely priceless.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Laura and Carmilla go to the farmers' market together. They run into Carmilla's FAVORITE pal, Danny. Hilarity, snark, and maybe some fluff ensues. Maybe.

“Laura… Why are you dragging me to a farmer’s market? You do realize that I don’t exactly need fresh, organic produce for my survival, right?”

“For someone who makes fun of my health food binges claiming that you don’t need human food, you sure do eat a  _lot_  of my cookies.”

“For once I’m going to spare you my snark in response to ‘eating your cookies.’”

Laura’s jaw dropped and she turned to face her roommate.

Carmilla merely smirked in response, enjoying the way Laura’s face flushed a deep red.

“That was entirely inappropriate, Carmilla.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about, cutie. I said nothing.”

“You  _implied_  it.”

“Which means that you had to draw from your own ideas. Technically  _you’re_  the one who drew that 'inappropriate’ conclusion, cutie.”

Laura stammered before deciding to glare at her dark-haired roommate.

“Fine. Then I’m not buying the gluten-free cookies you always steal.”

“I’ll just buy them myself then.”

Gasping, Laura pouted and stomped off in the opposite direction.

Carmilla chuckled before easily catching up to her petite roommate.

“That isn’t fair.”

Carmilla raised a brow in response.

“You’re taller than me. You can walk much faster than I can.”

“For the sake of your argument, I’m not that much taller. But you also seem to be forgetting about the fact that I’m a vampire and could easily catch up to you regardless of the length of either of our legs.” _  
_

Laura huffed before turning to a booth selling all kinds of fresh greens, fawning over how it was all organic and locally grown.

Carmilla didn’t even like the stuff when she was alive. Why would she like it now when she doesn’t even need to eat healthy?

Still, she followed her roommate around, carrying the bags Laura somehow always forgot to pick up after she’d paid for her produce.

“You really don’t have to carry those, Carmilla.”

“Actually, I do. You’ll just drop them when you see a fresh bunch of kale or something. Again.”

“That was one time!”

Carmilla grinned.

“Don’t look so smug, Karnstein. We could always move this discussion to your deep, passionate love for–”

“Finish that sentence and I will set all of your groceries on fire.”

“You wouldn’t! I spent good money on all of that!”

Carmilla plucked a lighter from her pocket and raised a brow.

“This isn’t fair. Why do you  _always_ get to win arguments?”

“I let you win. Sometimes.”

“You do not. Carmilla Karnstein, the world’s biggest sore loser.”

“I’m far from the biggest anything, sweetheart.”

“I didn’t mean it literally!”

Carmilla didn’t really know why she always poked fun at Laura. There was just something… kind of  _cute_  about the way the shorter girl always pouted and huffed and got all flustered.

Though Carmilla would never admit that out loud.

“Oh great,” Carmilla sighed. “Here comes Ginger: Warrior Princess.”

Laura turned around and grinned, excitedly waving to Danny.

“Oh hey Laura! Carmilla.”

“Giant.”

“She has a name, Carmilla.”

“It’s fine, Laura,” Danny replied, moving to stand right between Carmilla and Laura. “Did you want to come over later? I can help you study for the upcoming midterm. We could cook some of the stuff we bought.”

Laura bounced excitedly, nodding.

“That’d be awesome!”

“Yeah… Terrific… And not at all unethical…”

“I’d invite you too, Carmilla, but I don’t think you’d like so much green food. I know you prefer to suck your red dinner straight from the source.”

Laura’s eyes widened. Carmilla growled.

“Um. I think we should get back to the dorm. I’ll text you later, Danny!”

“Great. I look forward to it.”

“Me too,” Carmilla added with comically fake enthusiasm. “See you later, Goliath! Maybe we can share templates for the upcoming essay too! Or look over pre-filled Scantrons from the professor’s stash!”

Danny rolled her eyes and pushed past Carmilla, mumbling something about leeches.

“Was that necessary?”

“She started it.”

Laura shook her head and started off toward the dorm building.

* * * * * * * *

“Laura?”

“Yes, Carmilla?”

“I got you this. At the market.”

Laura turned from her computer to face her roomate.

In her hands, Carmilla had a glass bottle of grape soda and a cookie covered in sprinkles.

“When did you–?”

“After the Jolly Red Giant left. You seemed upset. I wanted to make it up to you.”

“You didn’t have to do that, Carmilla. I know you and Danny don’t get along.”

“Just take the cookie. Don’t make it a thing.”

Laura smiled softly, taking the cookie and soda from her roommate’s hands, letting her fingertips brush the vampire’s palms.

“Thank you.”

Carmilla nodded, flopping back down onto her bed, curling around the yellow pillow that had somehow ended up on her bed yet again.

Carmilla may be a pain in the ass sometimes. But she was Laura’s pain in the ass.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Carmilla has another little secret. Laura pries it out of her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The song I was thinking of when I wrote this was On The Steps of the Palace from Into The Woods.

“No, Laura.”

“Carmilla,  _please_. Come on. It can’t be that bad.”

“Yeah, well, it is.”

Laura whined and crossed her arms.

“There’s no way it’s that bad.”

“Laura, my answer is still no.”

“Whatever,  _mom_.”

Carmilla scoffed and turned toward her roommate, pinning the girl with a glare.

“Just let me see it!”

Carmilla shook her head, climbing back onto her bed.

“Nope.”

“Just once. I promise I won’t ever ask again.”

“Can you promise me that right now?”

“ _Carmilla,_ ” Laura whined.

Carmilla raised a brow, mentally kicking herself for enjoying the way that sounded.

“Fine. Once. And only once. Show anyone and you’re dead to me,” Carmilla swore, crawling off of her bed to stand in front of Laura.

The broody vampire leaned over her roommate, extending her hands toward the keyboard of her laptop.

“Close your eyes.”

“Carmilla, I’m not going to memorize the URL.”

“Just close your damn eyes.”

“Fine. But this is ridiculous.”

_Oh you have no idea, cutie._

“Alright. Open them. It’s a short video and you will watch it only once before I clear your browser history. Understood?”

Laura nodded, bouncing excitedly in her chair.

The video opened with Carmilla standing in the middle of a plain looking dorm room, wearing…

Was she wearing  _jeans_?

“You’re not wearing leather.”

“I can turn it off now if you’d like,” Carmilla replied, rolling her eyes.

And then the on-screen vampire opened her mouth.

Laura felt a flutter in her chest.

There in the middle of Laura’s computer screen was Carmilla…

And she was  _singing._

And not just any song, either.

It was from a  _musical_.

Laura swayed in her seat, grinning from ear to ear.

Carmilla winced, hearing herself go a little sharp of the note she was aiming for.

The video ended and Carmilla threw herself in front of the screen, immediately clearing the browser history and closing out the window.

“Happy now, cupcake?”

“Extremely. I didn’t know you could sing.”

“I still can. I just choose not to.”

The vampire crawled back onto her bed and leaned back against a bright yellow pillow.

“Carm?”

“Yes, cutie?”

“Will you sing to me?”

_Oh christ._

“Maybe someday.”

Laura nodded, still smiling.

“Tell LaF or Perry and you’re dead.”

“… Can I tell Danny?”

Carmilla growled.

“My lips are sealed, Carmilla. I promise.”

“Good. Now don’t you have a webcam thing to record?”

“Oh! You’re right!”

Carmilla chuckled, reaching behind her to grab her favorite mug as she watched her roommate excitedly tell… What looked like no one about her discoveries about the Alchemy club.

_Maybe someday._


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Laura has a secret this time. Sexual tension is abundant.

Laura had plenty of odd habits. And most of them she was willing to own up to.

Keyword being most.

She had one little quirk that she kept very much to herself.

The reason being that she would not only be tortured mercilessly by LaF and Perry, but her roommate would likely move out and never speak to her again.

You see, Laura had this little habit of  _occasionally_  trying on her roommate’s clothing when she was at class. Just to see what it felt like to dress like… Well, like a badass.

Laura was always more on the vanilla side of clothing.

Meanwhile Carmilla was like a velvety, dark chocolate. Only with more leather.

Anyway, one day while Laura _thought _Carmilla was at her philosophy class, she decided to try on one of the more risqué tops that Carmilla owned.

About halfway through trying to figure out the corset, Laura frowned and gave up trying to make it look perfect.

She stood in front of the mirror on her bathroom door and checked herself out, twisting and turning to get a better look of the whole thing.

She looked pretty decent, if she did think so herself.

Pretty  _damn_  decent.

In fact, Laura thought she looked so decent, and was so distracted by her own image in the mirror, that she didn’t notice the door swinging open to reveal none other than the owner of aforementioned corset.

That is, not until the door shut behind the vampire.

“… Uh… Laura? What are you doing in my corset?”

Laura leapt out of her skin, whirling to find Carmilla eyeing her with her brows raised in a look of confusion and… something Laura couldn’t place. Her face immediately flushed.

“I was just… I–.. Um.”

“… Do you make a habit of stealing my clothing? Should I go take inventory?”

“What? No! I was just… I wanted to… I just wantedtoseewhatilookedlike…”

“What? I don’t speak mumble, cupcake.”

“I just wanted to see if I’d look like a badass in your clothes.”

“Are you saying I look badass?” Carmilla asked, smirking. She crossed her arms over her chest and leaned on the corner of her bed.

“I’m taking it off.”

“You seem to be pretty keen on ignoring my questions.”

Laura rolled her eyes, her face still a deep, beet red as she stepped into the bathroom, moving to close the door behind herself.

Her brows furrowed when the door stopped just short of closing.

“Carmilla, I’m going to change. Can I close the door or…?” Laura asked, pushing on the door. The door, of course, didn’t budge.

“Let me see.”

“… You want to see me naked?”

_Yes._

“…No. The corset. Let me see you in it. Open the door.”

“Carm, really. Just let me change back into my clothes. I look ridiculous.”

_-ly hot, I’m sure._

“Just let me see, closet raider.”

Laura sighed and opened up the door, her arms instinctively moving to cover as much of her chest as she could.

“Drop your arms and turn.”

“Am I your Barbie now?”

“I’m not the one playing dress-up, cutie. You did that all on your own.”

_Dear god she’s hot in my clothes._

“… Can I change now? Please?” Laura asked, her face turning pink again.

“Yeah. Sure, sweetheart.”

Laura shut the door quickly, leaning against it for a minute.

She frowned when she heard Carmilla mumble something.

“What did you say?”

“Nothing, cutie. Put your clothes on.”

“Carmilla. What did you say???”

“Nothing! Just get dressed and give me back my damn corset, thief!”

“I won’t give it back until you tell me.”

“So you’re robbing me?”

“Carmilla!”

“Fine! I just said you looked nice. Different. But nice. Happy now?”

Laura grinned from ear to ear, quickly pulling on one of her tank-tops.

She opened the door to find Carmilla lounging on her bed, flipping through a magazine.

“Here’s your corset back,” Laura mumbled, laying it on the vampire’s bed.

Without looking up, Carmilla answered.

“Do you do this often?”

“Do what?”

“Prance around our shared dorm in my clothing.”

“What? N-no…”

“It’s cute when you try to lie to me, cupcake.”

“Okay! Fine! I’ve done it before.”

“Find anything you like yet?” Carmilla teased, raising a brow, still staring at the magazine in her lap.

“I would never wear any of that.”

Carmilla shot her a glare.

“That isn’t to say it looks bad on you. Just that it doesn’t really suit me…”

“Mhmm,” Carmilla smirked.

“I don’t get how you put on leather pants all the time.”

“Takes practice. They’re not easy to get off either.”

“They just seem so uncomfortable.”

“Yeah, well. I’d take a bathrobe over leather pants any day of the week. But then I wouldn’t look like a badass, now would I?” Carmilla grinned, eyes finally meeting her roommate’s.

“A bathrobe? Really, Carm?”

“Hey. No judgment. I just caught you stealing my clothes.”

“Please don’t tell LaFontaine. Or Perry.”

“We’ve all got our quirks, cutie. Your weirdo little secret is safe with me. So long as you let me see next time you go through my wardrobe.”

“Deal.”


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Carmilla has a nightmare. Laura comforts her. Disgustingly fluffy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: Can contain some stuff that may be triggering for someone with PTSD.

_No._

Laura rolled over in her bed, squinting her eyes to try to see her roommate’s bed. For some reason whenever she woke, she always felt compelled to look over and check to see if Carmilla was okay. Or if her roommate was even there.

Carmilla had a habit of sneaking out in the middle of the night. Where she’d go, Laura wasn’t sure, but she was always back before Laura got up in the morning. Unless she had an early class.

Laura strained to hear her roommate, consciously breathing slower so as not to disturb her ears.

Carmilla was mumbling something.

Was she still asleep? What was she saying?

Laura moved to sit up so as not to fall asleep because her bed was just  _so nice_.

Her roommate mumbled something else, still fairly incoherent. Laura did, however, distinguish something that sounded like “No.”

She sat in the dark, watching her roommate intently.

Carmilla rolled over. Now facing Laura, Laura could see her brows creased as if she were concentrating, her hands clenching and unclenching on the blankets of her bed.

“Carmilla?” Laura whispered, hoping to maybe wake her roomate.

Carmilla let out a string of somewhat unintelligible… Was that German? Laura wasn’t sure.

It had to be a nightmare, Laura concluded. 

But what should she  _do_?

Laura stood up, smoothing out her pajama shirt, fingers toying with the hem.

She heard Carmilla’s breathing starting to come in gasps.

Laura rushed over, shaking her roommate’s shoulders.

“Carmilla? Carm? Wake up. Please, wake up.”

Her roommate’s eyes shot open, her pupils completely dilated, her hand shooting out, grasping Laura’s arm hard enough to bruise.

“Carm, that hurts.”

Carmilla’s eyes still stared blankly at Laura, her hand slowly gripping tighter.

“Carmilla. You’re hurting my arm. Carm?”

Recognition darted across the vampire’s face and her hand immediately released its death grip.

“L-Laura?”

Laura stood up, putting some space between them, her hand moving to gently massage her tender arm.

“Oh god. Laura. I’m so sorry,” Carmilla said, her voice breaking on the last word.

“It’s okay. Are you alright?”

“No. No, I’m not,” the vampire said, getting up, moving to her wardrobe.

“Carmilla? You can talk to me.”

“No. I need to go.”

Laura watched the vampire put on a jacket and reach for the door.

So, naturally, Laura did what she thought was the best thing to do in the situation.

She ran over and wrapped her arms around Carmilla’s waist in a tight, but gentle hug.

Laura felt Carmilla’s breath catch and her body tensed.

 _Oh god, please don’t throw me off of you,_  Laura silently pleaded.

The muscles in Carmilla’s back slowly melted and she eased into the hug, her arm wrapping over Laura’s.

Laura felt the vampire start to shake with quiet sobs. She tightened her grip on her roommate, pressing her face between her shoulder blades.

Carmilla didn’t know what the fuck was wrong with her. She’s wrapped in Laura’s tiny, fragile, _bruised_  arms fucking  _crying_.

And she couldn’t stop herself.

Laura drew her thumb back and forth, making calming little lines over Carmilla’s stomach before she felt the vampire’s fingers tangling with hers, holding her hand tighter to her body.

 

The next morning, Carmilla stirred in Laura’s bed, feeling a hand running through her hair. Still groggy, the vampire wrote it off as another dream. She smelled Laura all around her and felt warm lips press a kiss to her cheek.

Laura shouldered her bag and with a kiss to Carmilla’s cheek, she left for her morning class.

A few hours later, Carmilla opened her eyes, sitting up, rubbing her eyes and stretching.

Wait.

She’s in Laura’s bed…

Which means…

_Oh god._

Last night really wasn’t a dream. She had a nightmare. Laura woke her. She grabbed Laura’s arm…

She’d cried in front of Laura.

She’d  _hurt_  Laura.

 _Laura_.

The vampire’s eyes scanned their room when she saw a note on Laura’s desk.

_Carmilla_

_I know you had a rough night. You don’t have to talk to me about it. Just know that I’m here for you if you ever need to. Stop beating yourself up over my arm. It’ll be fine. It’s just a bruise. I’ve had worse from falling down stairs multiple times._

Carmilla chuckled softly, her fingers stroking the page with affection for her tiny roommate.

_I just realized how embarrassing it is that I admitted that. Oh well. Anyway, sleep as long as you like. I know you like my yellow pillow. I won’t tell anyone what happened. I love and care about you, Carm. I’ll be back at 2:30PM as usual. Help yourself to the cookies under this note. Please just leave one or two for me._

_Your roommate,_

_Laura_

Carmilla turned the note over in her hands, folding it and holding it to her chest for a moment.

Laura had gotten a full package of their shared favorite cookies. She even drew a smiley face and a heart on the package.

Carmilla felt a rush of adoration for her roommate, thanking whatever gods may exist that Laura was hers.

Her roommate, that is.

Looking at the clock, Carmilla sighed. Two more hours until Laura was back.

She walked over to her own bed, grabbing the yellow pillow before she laid down.

She fell asleep with the note in her hand.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Laura struggles with grief over her mother’s death. Alcohol, anger, and comfort ensue.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: So… I know I never really do these. But this time I felt like it was kind of important.  
> I read a lot of things that have Laura texting her mom’s old phone and things like that and they hit me really hard. See…. My mom died when I was almost 11 years old. And I never really talk about it unless it comes up. Hell, it’s been like 12 years. But sometimes I have days like this. Days where I just want to curl up and cry. Or get so drunk I can’t see straight. And I’m not a drinker by any stretch of the word.  
> Anyway, sometimes I get this ridiculously protective feeling over the fact that some people write about Laura’s loss and I just want to scream. Sometimes I can just tell that they don’t know what that’s like. And it’s hard because everyone has a right to write about whatever. But sometimes I just get really upset about it. Because I know what it feels like. So I kind of explored my own feelings in this one.

_…Just one more drink_.

Laura chokes down one more shot, coughing and sputtering at the burning in her thoat.

Admittedly, drinking was extremely out of character for Laura Hollis.

She wasn’t even sure how she’d gotten to this point.

It was another year’s anniversary of her mother’s death. Usually she spent the day avoiding people and being fairly quiet and withdrawn.

But this year she couldn’t get past it enough to function.

So she was sitting in her room downing shot after shot of some cheap vodka, crying by herself.

Thankfully Carmilla had class all day today, meaning the broody badass would be away, ensuring that Laura wouldn’t hear any scathing, sarcastic commentary on her questionable behavior.

Laura even made sure to lock the door in case LaFontaine and Perry stopped by.

She hated this part of herself.

Telling someone your mom is dead is always something that just results in that  _look_  and them feeling really terrible about it when really, it’s no one’s fault. So why do they always say they’re _sorry_?

Laura sighed, now thoroughly intoxicated, having drank half the bottle. It didn’t help that she was small and hadn’t been able to stomach the idea of solid food all day.

Laura pulled a box out from under her bed, pulling off the top.

Inside was a collection of handwritten notes, a couple pictures, and a small bottle of perfume.

All of it had belonged to her mother.

She rarely took the box out, having already memorized every one of the notes and seen the pictures countless times. 

Still, there was something comforting about having this little piece of her mother all to herself.

She wondered what her mother would think of her right now. She’d be disappointed in the drunkenness. And the fact that instead of celebrating her life, she was mourning the loss.

But how are you supposed to celebrate something you miss so much?

Laura’s breath caught in her throat as she read the words  _“I’m proud of you!”_  scribbled on a post-it note from her mom.

 _Would she really be proud of me? Her…_ gay _daughter?_

Laura felt the tears drip onto her hands and arms before she even realized she was crying again. Deep, gut-wrenching sobs wracked her body and she held the top of the box in a white-knuckled grip.

Carmilla frowned at the locked door of her dorm. The door was never locked. Not even when Laura was prancing around in Carmilla’s clothing…

She heard some shuffling and sniffling on the other side of the door and debated breaking down the door for a quicker entrance.

She decided she’d just get scolded for damaging school property again and opted for using her keys.

The door opened and the strong smell of cheap alcohol flooded Carmilla’s nose, causing the vampire to wince.

 _Was Laura_ crying _?_

“Laura? What’s wrong?”

Laura jerked toward the door, almost falling out of her chair in the process. She quickly shoved something under her bed, her hands furiously wiping away the tears on her cheeks.

“N-nothing. I’m f-fine.”

“Laura… You’re crying.”

“Really? Hadn’t noticed,” Laura snapped. She knew she’d feel bad about bitching at her roommate tomorrow but right now she couldn’t find it in her to care.

“… Do you want me to leave?”

Laura sighed, feeling torn. There were few things more embarrassing than having Carmilla see her like this. But at this point, who cares?

“Whatever,” came Laura’s response. She turned back to face her computer, eyes refusing to meet Carmilla’s.

Carmilla was floored.

She’d never seen Laura like this.

Sure, she’d seen the girl snap and get upset but she’d never seen her this….  _defeated._

“Do you want to talk to me about it? I’m a pretty good listener,” Carmilla ventured, sitting down on the edge of her bed.

“There’s nothing to talk about. I’ve talked the subject to death. I just…”

Carmilla reached out a hand to touch Laura’s shoulder and pulled it back, unsure of how the girl would react.

“I just really  _miss_  her, Carm,” Laura choked, her voice breaking on the words.

“Miss who, Laura?”

“My  _mom_.”

_Oh._

“I’m so so–”

“ _Do not say it,_ ” Laura snapped, whipping around to face Carmilla, swaying in her chair at the quick movement.

“Sorr–”

“ _No._ ”

“Okay. I get it. No s-word,” Carmilla agreed, miming locking her lips with a key.

“Good.”

“Laura, did you drink that whole thing by yourself?”

“What? Oh. Yeah. I’ve never drank like this before. It’s kind of nice. Blurs the sharp edges of… everything.”

Carmilla nodded in understanding, getting up to get herself a drink. Granted, Carmilla’s beverage of choice was a bit more… red.

She placed a cold bottle of water next to Laura and sat on her bed, sipping from her glass.

“What was she like?”

“What?”

“Your mother. What was she like?”

Laura looked puzzled for a second. 

“No one ever asks me that.”

“Well. I just did.”

“She was… Like sunshine on a rainy day. She was warm and comforting. She was always excited about something. She was just… everything you could ever want to be. Everything you could aspire to as a person. She was successful. And smart. I know it’s probably the fact that she’s gone that I barely remember anything bad about her. Maybe I don’t want to…”

Carmilla just nodded, placing her glass on the edge of Laura’s desk.

“Death tends to do that to us. We either remember all of the good or all of the bad. We remember what we want to remember about people. In any case, your mother sounds like she was a wonderful person. I’m sure she’d be proud of you.”

Laura shook her head and stared at the ceiling, willing tears not to fall.

“You can’t say that. You didn’t know her.”

“Well. If you’re anything like her, and from the way you made it seem, I really think you are, then she’d be proud. There’s no question in my mind about that, cutie.”

Laura sighed.

“Carm?”

“Yes, cupcake?”

“Can you just… hold me?”

Laura blamed that one on the fact that she was  _beyond_  drunk.

The vampire nodded, pulling an unsteady Laura toward her bed, laying down next to the girl.

Laura laid her head on the vampire’s chest, feeling the pain in her chest settle to a dull throb. At the feeling of her roommate’s arms around her, she felt the tears well up in her eyes again.

“It’s okay, Laura. I’ve got you.”

“Just… Don’t go, okay?”

“I’ll stay here as long as you need me to, Laura.”


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Carmilla and Laura watch a movie together. Featuring a little snippet of LaF and Perry.

“Um. Laura?”

“… Yes, Carmilla?”

“You wanna watch a movie? I originally planned on going to that Zeta party but something about the idea of a bunch of sweaty college students writhing around on a dance floor to generic music with too much bass doesn’t appeal to me tonight.”

“…”

“So… Movie?”

“I should study.”

“Oh,” Carmilla deflated. “Alright. I’ll just–”

“Wait. I didn’t say I didn’t want to. I said I  _should_  study. We can watch a movie. Were you looking to watch anything in particular or…?”

Carmilla mumbled something, fiddling with the hem of her shirt.

“Carm, I didn’t catch that. What did you say?”

“I said… Something..–”

Once again the vampire trailed off and muttered quietly, words slurring with silence. She looked at the ceiling and cursed in some other language.

“… Carm. What do you want to watch? Please answer audibly… And preferably in English.”

“Disney. Alright? Do you want to watch a damn Disney movie with me?”

Laura blinked.

“No? Alright. Feel free to tell the ginger duo that your roommate is a loser,” Carmilla snapped, flopping onto her bed, face down in a bright yellow pillow.

“I’m just surprised is all. I figured you’d want to watch something with subtitles.”

“We can turn on subtitles if you’d like but I don’t think it’ll enhance Beauty and the Beast much.”

“Do you have the DVD?”

Carmilla nodded into her pillow, silently thanking whatever deity that may exist that vampires didn’t blush much.

“Well go get it. I’m not gonna go rooting through your stuff.”

_Didn’t stop you with my closet._

“What did you say?”

_Shit._

“Nothing, cutie. Let me get it.”

Laura rolled her eyes but found herself grinning at the idea of her “badass,” intellectual, vampire roommate wanting to watch a Disney movie of all things.

“We don’t have a TV so we’ll have to use my laptop.”

Carmilla nodded, sitting down on her bed, patting the space next to her.

Laura hopped onto Carmilla’s bed, carefully leaving a few inches of space between the two of them, placing the laptop on Carmilla’s legs.

The vampire eyed the space between the two of them but put the DVD in nonetheless, deciding it’s better not to question Laura’s actions.

About twenty minutes into the movie Laura felt Carmilla’s knuckles graze her leg as her roommate moved to get more comfortable.

Five minutes later Carmilla felt Laura’s leg brush hers.

Carmilla noted the hitch in Laura’s breath and the way her heart rate sped up.

Laura sighed and fidgeted a few minutes later.

“Uncomfortable, cupcake?”

“… No.”

“Sure are moving a lot.”

“Just shut up and watch your  _Disney,_ ” Laura replied, stifling a yawn.

Carmilla growled and crossed her arms over her chest, her arm bumping Laura’s.

The vampire found her attention so wrapped up in the movie she jumped a little when Laura’s head found its way on her shoulder.

Brows furrowed, Carmilla chanced a glance down at her roommate.

Laura was asleep.

 _Asleep_.

During one of Carmilla’s favorite movies.

_She looks so cute though._

Carmilla found herself humming quietly to the songs, leaning to rest her cheek on the top of Laura’s head.

She inhaled deeply, enjoying the smell of her roommate’s shampoo.

Once the movie had come to a close, Carmilla found herself in a predicament.

_How do I move without waking Laura?_

Her roommate snored softly on her shoulder and Carmilla chuckled, brushing some of the light brown hair off her roommate’s forehead.

A knock on the door shook Laura awake and Carmilla silently cursed whoever needed their attention.

“Laura? Are you still up?”

Laura yawned and walked to the door, opening it to reveal a startled looking Perry.

“Did I wake you?”

“Nah. We were just watching a movie.”

“Oh,” Perry replied, glancing back and forth between the two girls. “I just needed to borrow some hydrogen peroxide. LaFontaine expressed their need for it for some science something-or-other. I’m not really sure why they need it so urgently but they said it couldn’t wait.”

Laura nodded and padded over to the bathroom, coming out holding a brown bottle.

“Need anything else, Perry?”

The red-head looked back and forth between Carmilla and Laura, eyes narrowing a little.

“No. I think that’s all. Thank you, Laura. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“Yup. See ya.”

Laura closed the door quietly and fell onto her bed.

“Sorry I fell asleep on you, Carm.”

“It’s alright, cutie. You’ve been working really hard. Go to sleep.”

Laura yawned and Carmilla giggled.

“Goodnight, cupcake.”

“Goodnight, Carmilla.”

* * *

“Am I right, Per?”

“Laura seemed to be extremely tired but neither of them had any clothing askew. I believe I win the bet for this week.”

“Damn. I swear one of these weeks I’ll be right. I’ve hypothesized that those two would get together for… How long now?”

“This is week three of our bet but you proposed the bet a week before that and I declined.”

“Right… Did you get the H2O2 at least?”

“Yes, LaFontaine. I did acquire the hydrogen peroxide for you.”

“Excellent. Same bet next week?”

“Though I don’t understand why you seem so keen on losing your money, you’re on.”


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They finally kiss. Featuring awkward LaF and Perry. (Sidenote: I had originally planned on this being porn but the characters didn’t want it.)

“Laura?” Carmilla called, looking around their shared room for her tiny roommate.

“I’m in the bathroom.”

“That’s… Personal.”

“Oh my god. I’m not–”

“I don’t need to know what you may or may not be doing behind closed bathroom doors, cupcake.”

“Carmilla! I’m not even–!”

Carmilla started singing loudly, blocking out any and all arguments from Laura.

“You know, for someone who’s over three hundred years old, you sure do act like a child sometimes!” Laura called.

“I’ve never claimed maturity.”

“Clearly.”

“You gonna spend all day in there?”

“I just need to–”

“Nope. Too personal.”

“Why would you ask me a question if you didn’t want an answer?”

“Because I’m just imagining how flustered you look and it’s entertaining me.”

“I could just toss you one of your books and you could  _entertain_  yourself for a bit.”

Carmilla opened her mouth to retort but was stopped dead as the bathroom door opened.

“Laura what are you–”

“I just wanted to try something different.”

Carmilla bit her lip and nodded, her cheeks…

Wait. Was Carmilla, badass vampire extraordinaire…

_Blushing?_

“Carm are you blushing?”

“What? No. Vampires don’t blush.”

“You told me vampires don’t cry once too but I swear–”

“Why are you dressed like… Like that?”

Laura looked down, her own face flushing.

“Is it  _that_  bad?”

“N-No.”

“You stuttered. You blushed then stuttered. Are you feeling okay?”

_I’m feeling a lot of things right now, cupcake._

Laura fidgeted.

“I’m gonna go change. You seem really uncomfortable.”

_No._

Laura turned and closed the bathroom door behind her.

_Goddammit you stupid, useless, lesbian vampire. SAY SOMETHING._

“Uh.”

_Fucking. Useless._

“Laura, open the door.”

“I’m in the process of getting undressed. So unless you  _want_  to see me topless–”

_Fucking shit Christ Jesus._

“–then I don’t think you should open the door.”

“Laura. Just put it back on and open the door.”

“Why?”

Carmilla’s brain stuttered out and she stood at the bathroom door, her palms feeling… Was that sweat?

This made no sense.

Her palms were  _sweating_.

“Just open the damn door.”

“… Fine,” Laura huffed, pulling the door open.

Her shirt was askew, a red and black lacy bra clearly visible, her shirt only having been partially returned to its place.

Carmilla bit back a groan at her view of Laura’s collar bone and shoulder… And her stomach…

This was too much.

“… So are you just going to stand there and stare at me?”

Carmilla stood in silence, her brain unable to process Laura’s words.

“… Carmilla…”

Clarity returned to the vampire’s eyes and her eyes wandered (slowly) up to meet Laura’s.

“… Carm?”

Laura squeaked as she was picked up and pressed to the wall of their bathroom.

“What are you–?”

Carmilla closed her eyes and pressed her lips to Laura’s, groaning at the feeling of  _finally_  kissing her roommate.

Laura’s eyes widened and she froze, going stiff.

_Shit._

“Oh my god, Laura. I’m so sorry I just–”

Carmilla threw herself back and stumbled backwards out of their bathroom.

“What the hell was that?”

Carmilla tripped over Laura’s desk chair in her hurry to get out of their room.

“Carm.”

 _God you’re a fucking moron, Carmilla_.

“Carmilla.”

Bag in hand, she grabbed the handle of the door, her shaking hands unable to grip it.

“Goddammit. CARMILLA.”

“I’m sorry, Laura.”

“Carmilla Karnstein. STOP.”

The vampire froze with her hand on the doorknob.

“Who gave you the right?”

“… I’m sorry?”

“Who the hell gave you the right to just  _kiss_  someone and then  _leave_???”

“I’m sorry. It won’t happen again.”

“Damn right it won’t.”

Carmilla felt her chest tighten, her grip on the doorknob too tight.

“Carm, you’re going to break the doorknob.”

“I’m leaving.”

“No you are not.”

“Oh? Who left you in charge, cupcake?”

“You can’t just kiss a girl and leave like that.”

“Watch me,” Carmilla gritted through her teeth, willing herself not to cry.

“Fine. Then I won’t ever let you kiss me again.”

_Wait._

_What?_

“I thought that’s what you wanted.”

“To never kiss you again?”

Carmilla nodded, her shoulder slumping forward in defeat.

“What gave you that impression?”

“I kind of pushed you against a wall, pressed my lips to yours and you froze up and seemed so uncomfortable. I assumed–”

“And there’s likely where you went wrong.”

“– That you didn’t want me to continue.”

“That’s where you went wrong.”

“Laura, please just explain what you mean.”

“Did I ever push you away?”

“I– No. You didn’t.”

“Did I ever tell you to stop?”

“… No.”

“Did it ever cross your mind that maybe you just surprised me and I wasn’t expecting that?”

“… N-no…”

Laura grinned and crossed her arms over her chest.

“… I don’t understand.”

Laura shook her head and stepped toward Carmilla, invading her space until they shared each other’s breath.

“Stupid vampire. I’ve wanted you to kiss me for  _months_  now.”

Carmilla’s eyes shot open when Laura grabbed the back of her neck and pulled her in for a kiss.

A shaky hand cuped Laura’s cheek, fingertips barely brushing over her skin.

 _This can’t be real_.

Carmilla felt Laura frown into their kiss and she pulled away.

“What’s wrong?”

“Carmilla… You’re crying.”

“What? No I’m not.”

Laura brushed her thumbs over Carmilla’s cheeks and Carmilla felt the cool smear of water on her face.

“What the hell…?”

“Why are you crying?”

“I’m not!”

“Carmilla. There are literally tears on your cheeks.”

“I didn’t realize…”

“Are you alright?”

“I.. I think I’m just a little fragile right now.”

“Oh. Do you want to lay down for a bit?”

“That actually sounds like it’d be really nice.”

Laura nodded, taking Carmilla’s hand as she lead her to her bed, grabbing her yellow pillow off of Carmilla’s unmade bed.

Laura crawled into bed and pulled the vampire with her, wrapping her arms around her from behind.

“Why am I the little spoon?”

“Because you’re the one who was crying.”

“Laura?”

“Yes?”

“You’re still wearing leather pants.”

“Trust me, I know.”

Carmilla chuckled, turning to face her roommate.

“Need some help with those?”

“Actually, yes. Getting them on was difficult but I didn’t think taking them off would be as difficult as it was.”

“Takes practice, cutie.”

“I can see that.”

“You look cute in flannel, by the way.”

“Thank you.”

Carmilla leaned forward and pressed her forehead to Laura’s.

“You’re welcome.”

Laura giggled at the feeling of Carmilla’s hand on her waist.

“That tickles a little.”

“Can I kiss you again?”

“No.”

“What?”

“Of course you can, silly vampire.”

Laura’s breath caught in her throat at the feeling of smooth lips brushing her own. 

The feeling of Carmilla chuckling against her lips made her smile.

Laura’s hand found itself in Carmilla’s hair, fingertips brushing the back of her neck.

A hand gripped the front of Carmilla’s shirt, pulling her closer.

Carmilla shifted until she felt her body pressed to Laura’s.

A firm hand tugged Carmilla’s hair, pulling her head back. She whimpered.

Laura gasped.

“You may not need to breathe but I certainly do.”

Carmilla laughed, pressing her face to Laura’s neck, humming contentedly at the feeling of Laura’s fingers running through her hair.

She felt Laura’s pulse quicken against her skin.

_Maybe I could just…_

At the feeling of Carmilla’s lips kissing her neck, Laura moaned, her hands tightening their grip.

“C-Carmilla…”

“Yes, cutie?”

“If you don’t stop that, I won’t be able to–”

_Is that–_

_Oh my god._

Carmilla dragged her tongue over Laura’s pulse.

“C-C-Carm…”

Laura’s knuckles turned white in their grip on Carmilla’s shirt. And her hair.

“You’re going to pull my hair out, cutie.”

“S-sorry.”

“It’s alright. I don’t mind a little hair-pulling now and then.”

_Fuck._

“Your heart is beating dangerously fast, Laura.”

“Kind of your fault, Carmilla.”

“I don’t have the slightest  _clue_  what you could mean, cupcake,” Carmilla smirked, feigning innocence.

“I’m pretty sure your pulse would be out of control if you were in my situation.”

“And what situation would that be?”

“I swear to god, Carmilla if you don’t stop kissing my neck I’m going to–”

Laura’s face flushed red.

“Going to what?”

“Shut up.”

“You’re going to shut up?”

“You suck.”

“I very well could.”

“Dammit, Carmilla!”

The vampire giggled and placed a gentle kiss on Laura’s cheek.

“We’re not ready to do all of that just yet.”

“Not quite, considering you kissed me and almost left.”

“… Don’t tell LaFontaine and Perry.”

“I think they’d find it cute.”

“Don’t.”

“What are you gonna do about it?”

“This.”

Carmilla’s lips found Laura’s, her tongue sliding over her lower lip. Laura gasped, her back arching her body closer to Carmilla.

“Oh my goodness!”

“Does this count as me winning?”

Carmilla and Laura broke apart, both blushing furiously.

“Well all of their clothing is still on, so no. Not yet.”

“What could the ginger couple  _possibly_  need right now?” Carmilla growled.

“Well LaFontaine and I were simply wondering if you two would like to join us for dinner.”

“But it looks like, while you both look like you want to eat, food wasn’t exactly on the menu.”

“LaFontaine!”

“What? I was just being honest.”

“So  _that’s_  what Danny meant..,” Laura mumbled.

“Well you two seem…. Occupied. LaFontaine and I will be in the dinning hall.”

“You two might want to lock your door next time you don’t want to be disturbed.”

“Excellent advice, LaFontaine.”

“Thank you, Perry.”

“The nonbinary ginger said something about winning. What did that mean?” Carmilla asked, brow furrowed.

“… Nothing that concerns you,” Perry retorted.

“But–”

“Dinner calls!”

The door shut and Laura and Carmilla looked at each other.

“That was…”

“Weird. Really weird.”

“Well…”

“Where were we?” Carmilla smirked.


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Carmilla and Laura get in a fight. LaF and Perry help Laura figure things out. A little angsty, a little fluffy.

“Carmilla.”

“Yes, Laura?”

“I cannot focus on this paper if you keep doing…  _that.”_

Laura felt a smirk against the side of her neck.

“Doing what, exactly?”

“God.  _That._ ”

Carmilla chuckled against Laura’s skin, kissing the growing mark on Laura’s neck.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Carmilla remarked, feigning innocence.

“You know exactly what I’m talking about, Karnstein.”

“Nope,” Carmilla denied, peppering kisses up and down the side of Laura’s neck.

Laura felt her skin flush at the feeling of Carmilla’s breath against the shell of her ear.

“Carmilla.”

“Yes, cutie?”

“I  _need_  to finish this paper.”

“Can’t you just bribe the red-headed Goliath to give you a good grade?”

“Are you telling me to flirt with Danny to get an A?” Laura inquired, grinning at the low growl in her ear.

“Absolutely not.”

“Oh? Are we feeling a little jealous?”

“Nothing to be jealous of,” Carmilla snapped, abruptly pulling her lips away from Laura’s neck.

“Oh come on. It was a joke.”

Carmilla shrugged and turned to fill a glass with “soy milk.”

“Carmilla.”

“What?”

“I was kidding. I don’t want to flirt with Danny.”

The vampire shrugged again, taking quick gulps from her glass.

“I don’t like Danny.”

“That’s not what you were saying a few weeks ago.”

“That isn’t fair.”

“Oh?”

“I had no idea you could tolerate me, let alone that you liked me.”

“Yeah. Liked.”

“Are you saying you don’t like me anymore?”

Carmilla rolled her eyes, her fingertip smearing red on the inside of her now empty glass.

“You’re being ridiculous, cutie.”

“Am I? You’re the one implying that I’m just going to run off with Danny.”

Carmilla rolled her eyes again, flopping down on her bed. 

_Without Laura’s pillow._

“You know, some people think jealousy is cute. But I really don’t find whatever  _this_ is to be cute at all.”

“So why don’t you go run off with the jolly ginger giant then? I’m sure she’s  _plenty_  cute and that she’s  _never_  jealous. Since you’re so obviously displeased with me and all,” Carmilla hissed, her fists clenched.

“You know what? That doesn’t sound like such a bad idea,” Laura sneered, tossing some of her books into her backpack.

Carmilla’s body went limp and she pressed her face into her pillow.

_Great job, Karnstein. You had her for all of a day and you fucked it up._

Tears stung the vampire’s eyes and she willed her body to stay still.

At least until Laura left.

She’d be damned if she let Laura see her cry right now.

Laura’s hand shook as she reached for the doorknob of their room.

She opened the door and quickly shut it behind her, sliding down the door, pressing her forehead to her knees.

“Laura? Are you alright?”

“Yeah, Perry. I’m fine.”

“…You don’t seem alright.”

“I’m fine, LaF.”

“Do you want to come try some experimental baking with me and Perry? You seem pretty upset.”

“I said I’m  _fine_ , LaFontaine.”

“Clearly, you’re not if you’re speaking to them like that,” Perry snapped, grabbing LaFontaine’s hand and taking a step to stand between the two.

“It’s alright, Per.”

“No it’s not. She doesn’t get to pretend everything’s fine and take things out on you.”

“Look, I’m sorry, LaF. Carmilla and I just…”

Perry raised a brow in question.

Laura turned and looked at the door sighing before climbing to her feet.

“Can we talk about this somewhere else?”

“Kitchen. Perry wanted to try making a lemon tart.”

Laura followed the two, carrying her backpack on her shoulder.

“So what happened?” LaFontaine asked, leaning against the counter as Perry bustled about, acquiring different mixing bowls and ingredients.

“Carmilla and I got into a bit of a fight. About Danny. It’s nothing.”

“Doesn’t seem like nothing. You look pretty upset.”

“She just… She’s so  _infuriating_ at times. It’s like… She wants to be with me but then she pushes me away  _all the time.”_

“I understand,” Perry sighed, carefully measuring out a cup of flour.

“Hey!”

“LaFontaine, you can’t pretend we haven’t had the same problem. When you get angry you shut me out and I’m sure Laura is experiencing something similar at the moment with Carmilla.”

LaF sighed and nodded.

“You’re right. I do shut people out sometimes.”

“Carmilla just… She gets so angry when I even  _mention_  Danny.”

“Jealousy maybe?”

“If I ever even imply that she’s jealous, she flips.”

“Laura, what I’m gathering is that Carmilla is a bit insecure about holding onto you. Have you tried comforting her when she gets… moody?” Perry inquired, using her hands to bring together a dough.

“What do you mean?”

“I think what Perry means is… Have you ever thought that maybe the reason why she gets upset is that she’s afraid of losing you?” LaFontaine ventured, looking to Perry for approval.

Perry nodded.

“I… Didn’t…”

_Shit._

“I need to get back to my room,” Laura gasped, sprinting out of the kitchen. “Thanks you guys!”

“No problem, Hollis.”

“Are you going to help me make this, LaFontaine?”

“Perry, you know my only real job here is to provide you with an expert taste-tester.”

“Not bad for eye candy either,” Perry smirked.

LaFontaine blushed and rubbed the back of their neck.

“Grab me a dish, dear.”

“Yes, Perry.”

***

Laura knocked on the door.

“Carmilla?”

The vampire startled, quickly wiping the tears from her face, cursing the wet spot on her pillow.

“What? Get bored of the ginger giant?”

“I’m not going anywhere.”

“What do you mean, cutie? You just left,” Carmilla snapped, rolling over to face the wall.

“I mean I’m not leaving you. Not for Danny. Not for anyone.”

“I’m sure you just ran off to tell Danny the same thing.”

Carmilla cursed herself for saying it.

“Will you quit it?!”

“Don’t know what you’re talking about,  _cutie._ ”

“Stop shutting me out.”

Carmilla sighed.

“I came back to tell you I’m not going anywhere. I ran into LaFontaine and Perry in the hall and the helped me sort out what I was thinking. I didn’t even see Danny, let alone talk to her.”

“Whatever, cupcake. Not my business what you do with other women anyway.”

“Do you want it to be?”

Carmilla arched a brow.

“Not sure what you mean. Wanna clarify that one?”

“I’m asking if you want it to be. Your business.”

“What are you asking me?”

“Do you want to do this? With me?”

“Do what?”

“My god, Carmilla, for a smart person, you’re really dense sometimes,” Laura sighed. “Do you want to be exclusive?”

“… Did you really just call me stupid then ask me to be your girlfriend?”

Laura groaned.

Carmilla chuckled.

“You really have quite the way with words, cutie.”

“Is that a yes or a no?”

“Want to try the question again?”

“Carmilla, will you be my girlfriend?”

“Yes. On one condition.”

“Name your terms, Karnstein.”

Carmilla sat up and turned to face Laura, taking her hand. Laura’s eyes widened at the feeling of the vampire’s shaky hands.

“Never leave me like that again,” she mumbled. “Not even when you’re angry. I’m an asshole sometimes and I know I push people away. But don’t ever walk out on me like that. Please.”

Laura felt her heart squeeze.

“Never again.”

“… Promise?”

Laura squeezed Carmilla’s hand, pulling her in for a hug.

“I promise.”

“Hold me?”

“Of course.”


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Another really personal drabble where Laura gets depressed about her mother again. Carmilla tries to cheer her up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: Contains mentions of character death, descriptions of depression and anxiety and may be triggering.

Laura sighed.

Everything about today was… Just.. Bad.

It all started when she turned on the radio to have some background noise when she was getting dressed.

And  _that song_  came on.

Just like every time before that, it felt like a kick to the gut and yet somehow it still made her feel warm.

It was an impossible mix of a stab to her chest and the comfort of being held.

Her breath caught.

She barely noticed the tears.

Somehow, even years later, the song still affected her as much as it did a week after.

At least now the pain resembled a dull ache. The same pain just… more hollow.

Laura pulled on a hoodie, deciding today was not the day to look cute.

Walking to class, she felt her gaze drawn to her feet.

The day felt cloudier.

The wind didn’t even sting her cheek like it usually did when it was this cold.

Laura sighed.

Somehow in the span of about three minutes, a song took the color out of her day and painted it in grays.

Laura went on, laughing at people’s jokes, smiling at the right moments.

But she was… Quieter.

Something drew her mind away from what was going on around her.

“You alright, Laura?”

“What? Oh. I’m fine, LaFontaine. Really. Just.. Having an off day.”

“Well, my door’s always open if you need to talk.”

Laura smiled back and nodded, pushing food around her plate.

Even though she felt empty, she wasn’t the least bit hungry.

She was just… Blank.

Laura remembered how one day she played the song on repeat and held her pillow and just cried.

A steady flow of tears came from her eyes, her breathing changing from sobs to whimpers and back to sobs.

She could still remember the way her mother sang it.

But with every passing day she felt the memory fade a little.

Like a photograph left in the sun.

You could still see what it was. Everything about it was just as clear.

But the color was fading.

It wasn’t as vibrant.

Eventually you’d barely be able to tell what it was.

“Hey cupcake. How was class?”

“It was fine. A little dull.”

Carmilla raised a brow.

“You alright, sweetie? Something seems… Off.”

“Her song played on the radio.”

“Whose song, Laura?”

“My mother’s.”

“… Oh.”

“It’s alright, Carm. You don’t have to say anything.”

“I know what it’s like to lose people, cutie, but I can’t say I know what it feels like to lose your mom. Hell, I wish I could lose mine.”

“Please don’t say that.”

“… I’m sorry. That was insensitive.”

Laura just shrugged and flopped down onto her bed, facing the wall.

“What can I do, Laura?”

Laura bit back a sneer, sarcasm and anger bubbling up inside her, turning her stomach.

Carmilla reached out, putting a hand on her shoulder.

Laura shook her off, flinching slightly when she made contact.

“… Well. I’m here if you–”

“–Need to talk about it. I know.”

Sighing, Carmilla picked up a book and sat down on her bed, watching Laura’s breathing change from deep, concentrated breaths to scattered gasps.

“Come here, Laura.”

“I don’t want to talk. I don’t want to be h-held. I just want to be alone.”

“Dance with me.”

“Carmilla…”

“I’m serious. Come here and dance with me.”

“Carm. No.”

“Just try it. If you hate it or it makes you more upset we can stop.”

Laura grumbled and wiped away the tears that were gathering in her eyes.

“Fine.”

Carmilla’s chest felt tight as she watched Laura sit up, sigh, and turn to face her, her cheeks red and blotchy, her breathing still a little uneven.

Their hands met and Carmilla pulled the slightly smaller girl up, wrapping an arm around her waist, interlocking their fingers.

“Please don’t hug me,” Laura whispered. “I r-really don’t want to cry.”

“Then it’s good a waltz requires a little space between the partners,” Carmilla hummed, rubbing her thumb back and forth over Laura’s.

“Carm, I can’t waltz.”

“Then just sway with me, Laura.”

The two girls moved slowly to the sound of their steps on the floor. Tears welled up in Laura’s eyes and she felt Carmilla squeeze her hand.

Carmilla cleared her throat, making Laura lock eyes with her, her brows furrowed.

 _“Some day, when I’m awfully low_  
When the world is cold  
I will feel a glow just thinking of you  
And the way you look tonight…”

Laura chuckled, a few tears escaping. She leaned forward and pressed her forehead to Carmilla’s.

 _“Yes, you’re lovely, with your smile so warm_  
And your cheeks so soft  
There is nothing for me but to love you  
And the way you look tonight…”

A gasp escaped Laura as she felt Carmilla lower her into a low dip, pulling her back up, stealing a kiss before she kept singing.

 _“With each word your tenderness grows_  
Tearin’ my fear apart  
And that laugh..wrinkles your nose  
Touches my foolish heart…”

Carmilla wrinkled her nose for effect, smiling as Laura really laughed for the first time that day.

 _“Lovely … Never, never change_  
Keep that breathless charm  
Won’t you please arrange it? ‘Cause I love you  
Just the way you look tonight…”

Carmilla felt Laura squeeze her hand as she placed a quick kiss to the vampire’s cheek.

_“Mm, Mm, Mm, Mm,_  
_Just the way you look tonight.”_

The girls continued to sway for a minute before Carmilla twirled Laura, pulling her in for a tight hug.

“Feeling any better?”

Laura nodded against her girlfriend’s neck, not trusting her voice.

“Thank you, Carm.”

“Always, sweetie.”

“Did you mean it?”

“Mean what, Laura?” Carmilla asked, rubbing Laura’s back.

“That you love me.”

Carmilla stiffened.

“I just… That’s the first time either of us has said it. The L word.”

_Shit._

“Um. I… I guess I didn’t really think about it. I was just singing the song.”

 _“_ Oh.”

Laura felt Carmilla take a deep breath.

“I do mean it. I know it’s really early and saying it is probably some kind of curse, or maybe it’s just us following the good ol’ lesbian tradition of moving way too fast… But.”

Laura held her breath.

“I do love you, Laura.”

“I love you too, Carmilla.”

“I’m sorry I kind of ruined our first time saying the 'L word’ as you put it.”

“I guess it kind of makes up for the fact that I called you stupid when I asked you to be my girlfriend.”

Carmilla chuckled.

“Yeah. I guess so.”

“Say it again?”

“… I guess so?”

“Carmilla.”

The vampire laughed, pulling back to look into her girlfriend’s eyes.

“I love you, Laura Hollis.”

Laura smiled, a few tears escaping her eyes which Carmilla gently wiped away.

“And I love you, Carmilla Karnstein.”

Well. Not everything about the day turned out so bad.


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Laura and Carmilla really get into it. Pretty angsty but ends pretty fluffy.

“I honestly cannot even believe you right now, Carmilla.”

“Don’t do this, Laura. Please don’t do this. Seriously?”

“Carmilla… I just…–”

“Laura, I am begging you. Just let me–”

“No. Carmilla you can’t just… Do that. And expect me to… To what? Be okay with it? Is that what you want?”

“Laura, please–”

“ _No._ Carmilla, I can’t.”

“Laura. Let me explain. Just… Please just let me–”

“Don’t you  _dare_  touch me, Carmilla Karnstein.”

“Laura, I didn’t think it’d be that big of a deal.”

 “Are you fucking  _kidding_  me?!”

“Laura, do you think you’re being even the slightest bit irrational? We’ve been together for–”

“A year and a half! I know! And I honest to god cannot  _believe_  you’d do this to me.”

“You’ve got to be joking. Laura, just let me explain.”

“Well, I’m  _not_  joking. And I don’t need to hear your explanations. You’ve completely betrayed my trust. I cannot even believe you did that.”

“Are you saying what I think you’re saying?”

“And what would that be,  _Carmilla?”_

“Are you  _seriously_  breaking up with me over this?”

“Honestly, Carmilla, I’m not sure what to do with you.”

“Are you  _kidding me?_  You’re going to throw away everything over… Over this.”

“I think I just need some space.”

“Fine. Go. No one’s stopping you,  _cutie_.”

Laura flinched at the old nickname, feeling the venom-laced words sink into her, flooding into her veins.

“Screw you, Carmilla.”

“Get out. Just go run off to the red-headed dimwit squad. Or maybe just run off with  _Danny.”_

“Wow. That’s low even for you.”

“What? I’m sure  _Danny_  would  _never–”_

“You have no fucking right, Carmilla. No  _fucking_  right.”

Carmilla smirked at the way Laura’s voice broke over her words. She felt like her heart was being torn out of her chest and yet all she could feel was…  _Anger._

“Says the one who’s going to walk out on me. On  _us._ ”

_Over something so fucking stupid._

Laura felt tears stinging her eyes as she threw on her coat and stormed out of their room, slamming the door behind her.

A growl escaped Carmilla’s lips as she grabbed the yellow pillow off of her bed, tearing it in half, dropping the fluffy remnants on the floor, and crushing what’s left beneath the heel of her black combat boot.

“Fine,” Carmilla whispered to herself, throwing herself onto her bed, letting sobs wrack her body.

_Laura’s gone. You fucked up, Karnstein._

* * * * * * * * * * * * *

Laura woke up, groaning at the stiffness in her back.

“I told you me and Perry could share a bed and you could take mine.”

A deep flush colored Perry’s cheeks and she pursed her lips.

“It’s fine, LaF. Really. The floor isn’t that bad, anyway.”

“If you can tell me that in a few hours after you realize the consequences of your actions, I’ll believe you.”

Perry looked between the two girls and sighed.

“Who would like to help me with breakfast?”

LaFontaine and Laura shared a look, each fighting the urge to groan.

“I’m not really feeling up to kitchen adventures, Perry. Thank you, though.”

Perry nodded in understanding before turning to LaFontaine, grinning.

“Alright,” LaFontaine sighed. “I’ll help. What’s on the menu?”

“I was thinking–”

Laura rolled over to face the wall, tuning out the happy couple behind her. 

_Carmilla and I used to argue like that._

_Carmilla._

She felt hollow. Her chest burned where she thought her heart was supposed to be.

_I guess it’s really over._

Tears slid down Laura’s cheeks and she clutched the blanket around her, trying not to be too loud when the sobs took over.

* * * * * * * * * * * * *

“You look like hell.”

“Thanks, ginger Xena. No one asked for your opinion.”

“Seriously. What happened?”

“None of your business.”

“Alright. Fine. I just figured you needed someone to talk to. Laura’s been–”

“Let’s not talk about Laura. Okay? Thanks,” Carmilla bit back, gritting her teeth.

“Damn. What did you  _do?”_

“What the hell do you mean, giant?”

“Laura’s angry as hell and she won’t stop crying. She won’t even tell LaFontaine or Perry what’s wrong. And she  _always_  tells them what’s wrong.”

“She broke up with  _me._  And you’re asking me what  _I_ did wrong?”

Danny shrugged.

“Just… Get whatever you needed and leave.”

“I’m working on it. Do you think I  _want_  to spend more time with you than I have to?”

Carmilla rolled her eyes.

“When was the last time you… you know, ate?”

“Why do you care?”

“Look, I’m just asking.”

“I can’t remember.”

Danny sighed.

“I know we’re not friends. Not even close. But will you please eat something?”

“Is that an offer, red?”

“God, no.”

Carmilla chuckled and rolled over to face the wall.

“You just… I’ve never seen you looking this… Pathetic. It’s almost enough to make me not want to insult you.”

“Almost.”

“And I can’t believe I’m saying this but… Do you want help getting her back?”

“I don’t need your help wooing women, ginger giant. I did just fine getting Laura right out from under you.”

“Oh my god. Will you stop being such a bitch for like ten seconds? I’m  _trying_  to help you.”

“I don’t  _need_  your help.”

“Obviously you do. You’ve spent the past week in this room. You haven’t eaten anything. And you look and smell like a mix between a homeless person and roadkill.”

“Oh yeah, this is really helping.”

“Just apologize to Laura. For whatever it is that you did.”

“She won’t listen to me.”

“Have you even tried?”

Carmilla fell silent, picking at a loose string on her blanket.

“Apologize to her.”

“I didn’t even do anything wrong.”

“Clearly you did if she dumped your ass.”

“Weren’t you supposed to be leaving?”

Danny groaned.

“You’re so useless. Go shower. Eat something so you don’t look translucent. And talk to Laura. I don’t like you two together but you made her happy. Happier than I could’ve made her, anyway. And she loves you. For whatever reason. And she’s miserable without you. So just… Do it. Okay?”

“…This doesn’t make us friends.”

“I don’t want it to. I just hate seeing Laura look so unhappy.”

“… Thanks, Danny.”

“Yeah, whatever. Just don’t forget the showering part. You smell like a corpse.”

Carmilla snorted.

“Later, Xena.”

* * * * * * * * * * * * *

Laura fidgeted in LaFontaine and Perry’s dorm, pacing back and forth before sitting back down.

She couldn’t remember a time when she’d felt this…  _angry._

She sighed and sat on the corner of LaFontaine’s bed.

“Laura… If you don’t stop pacing, you’re gonna freak Perry out.”

“That’s entirely untrue, LaFontaine and I resent your implication.”

“Sorry, Perry.”

“Laura, have you tried talking to Carmilla? Perhaps try to smooth things over?”

“There’s no point. She betrayed my trust.”

“… What did she do?”

“I don’t want to talk about it.”

“Alright. No pressure. I just… It’s been a week. And you look more and more miserable every day.”

“And while I love sharing a room with you, I have needs that aren’t–”

“PERRY!”

“LaFontaine, I am just trying to be honest with her about our–”

“STOP TALKING. STOP TALKING RIGHT NOW.”

“LaFontaine it’s perfectly natural for two people in a relationship to–”

“I CAN’T HEAR YOU! LA LA LA LA!” LaFontaine clapped their hands over their ears and walked back and forth, face a shade of red that almost matched their hair.

“Just talk to Carmilla. Please.”

“She hasn’t even tried to talk to me.”

“… Is that music?”

“Laura, sometimes you have to be the one to–”

“Stop talking.”

“LaFontaine, that’s incredibly rude. I wasn’t event talking about our sexual–”

“Okay now you  _really_  need to stop talking.”

“LaF, it’s fine. I know you and Perry–”

“Will you both shut up?! Listen.”

The two girls rolled their eyes but obliged. Laura gasped and ran to the window, looking down to see none other than Carmilla and…

Was that Danny?

“I didn’t know Danny could play the guitar.”

“Open the window!”

“Perry, I’m trying but it’s stuck.”

“Oh move over!”

Perry shoved LaFontaine out of the way, easily pushing the window open. She turned and raised a brow at LaF and chuckled.

“Stuck?”

“Will both of you shut up? I’m trying to listen.”

“Is this Sinatra?”

Laura nodded, tears welling in her eyes.

“Carmilla sang this the first time she told me she loved me.”

“Didn’t know she had it in her.”

“Carmilla can be incredibly sweet… Sometimes.”

“How have they not killed each other yet?”

“I agree. They had to have rehearsed this at least once before. And I’ve never seen Danny and Carmilla behave anywhere near amicably.”

“Stop. Talking. Both of you.”

Laura swayed, watching Carmilla sing and Danny play.

“Laura! Will you talk to me? Please?” Carmilla called up to the girl.

Laura sighed and looked to LaF and Perry. Perry nodded enthusiastically. LaF shrugged.

“What she did can’t be bad enough that you can’t at least hear her out.”

“I agree with LaFontaine.”

“But it’s up to you.”

“Why do you never sing for me like that?”

“Perry. Not now.”

“Uh. Laura?” Carmilla yelled, looking over at Danny who shrugged.

“Fine. I’ll hear what you have to say. But I make no promises about forgiveness.”

Carmilla sighed.

“I think that’s the best deal you’ll get out of her.”

“Shut up, giant,” Carmilla grumbled. “Fine. It’s a deal.”

Laura nodded and shut the window.

Watching the girl disappear, Carmilla felt herself get nervous.

_I cannot fuck this up again._

_I can’t lose her. Not again._

“Laura, shouldn’t you shower first?”

“What are you talking about, LaF?”

“You kind of… Um… Have an odor to you,” Perry mumbled. “It’s been three days since your last shower. We didn’t want to say anything…”

“It’ll be fine. I have to go talk to her.”

Carmilla thanked the gods that she didn’t have a heart beat anymore, knowing that it’d be unhealthily hammering against her ribcage if she did.

Laura emerged from the building, pushing her hair behind her ear as she approached Carmilla.

“Danny. I think it’s time for you to walk away.”

“Fine. But you owe me for this.”

“I know.”

“… So that’s it? Not even a thank you?”

“Just go. Please.”

Sighing, Danny walked way, slinging her guitar over her back as she went.

“So,” Laura stated, raising a brow at Carmilla, watching the vampire shuffle nervously.

“First of all, I’m sorry. Though I didn’t realize the consequences of my actions, I’m sorry I hurt you.”

Laura nodded.

“… A-And I’m sorry that I got mad at you and snapped at you. Even though it’s my defense mechanism at the idea of losing someone, it wasn’t right for me to lash out at you. And I’m sorry.”

Silence washed over the girls and Carmilla stared intently at the ground, willing her eyes to keep from welling up with tears.

“Apology accepted.”

“Thank you, Laura I–”

“On one condition.”

“Name it. Anything.”

“You are absolutely  _forbidden_  from doing that again.”

“Agreed. Absolutely.”

Laura nodded again and crossed her arms, wiping her sweaty palms on her sweater.

“Can we be in love again? Please? I… I can’t sleep without you there.”

“… Yes. But you’re not getting any for at least another week.”

A shaky hand reached out to touch Laura’s cheek, faltering slightly.

Laura took Carmilla’s hand and held it to her face, closing her eyes.

“I love you, Laura.”

“I love you too, Carmilla. Just. Don’t ever do that again.”

“Don’t ever leave me again.”

“Deal.”

Carmilla sighed and buried her face in Laura’s hair.

“Wait. One more thing.”

“Anything. Just please don’t go.”

“Admit Faberry is superior to Finchel.”

“What?”

“Admit it.”

“Laura, of course Faberry is superior.”

“And tell me I’ll never catch you reading Finchel fanfiction ever again.”

“Laura, I was only reading it to see if the historical references were accurate.”

“Tell me.”

Carmilla sighed.

“I will never read Finchel ever again. Even if it’s just for educational purposes.”

“Good.”

“… Laura?”

“Yes, Carmilla?”

“I.. There’s something I should probably tell you. Before we get back to the room.”

“What did you do?”

“I was just so angry that you’d break up with me over something that I didn’t realize you felt so strongly about and I… toreyourpillowinhalf.”

“You what?”

“I tore your pillow in half. I bought another one the next day. I just… I’m sorry.”

Laura sighed and grabbed Carmilla’s hand.

“I’m too tired to fight about this. So I’m just going to pretend I never heard that.”

Carmilla nodded and kissed Laura’s forehead.

“You are so not getting laid for a  _month_.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What? Laura takes her ships VERY seriously.


End file.
